After showing my husband this his initial remark was that he really liked that it was devoid of negative connotations towards men. Even said in jest, this surprised me. Partly because I wasn't aware he considered me a vocal lead in the dissemination of anti-male sentiment, but also because I didn't write it with men in mind. I wrote it about women.
But my husband was not the only one to consider its meaning for men. A wise American reader* commented that he liked my post but disagreed with the assumption that men are not capable of the same conversational depth as women.
I didn't aim to make a comparison but seeing as though it's been raised I will. I absolutely believe men are capable of engaging in personal, intimate conversation at exactly the same depth as women. What I don't find so absolute, based purely on my limited experience, is their willingness to do that - and enjoy doing that - with a group of friends, as much as women. Which is not a bad thing. It just means, for me, those occasions feel uniquely female. Is that just me?
Now while you take some time to ponder, I'm going to continue making broad sweeping statements about men and women. Despite appearances, generally I don't believe in the merits of generalisations based on gender. But for the purposes of this I'm going to discard that entirely.
Here in Oxford it is thesis-submission-season. This means there are many, many students madly meeting up with supervisors, sitting in exquisite libraries, tearing their hair out, trying to type up one, two or three years' worth of research into one coherent, beautifully bound document to submit in May. It is the culmination of so much work, and I do not envy the pressure. (I do, however, greatly envy the lovely degrees they'll walk away with.) So far this season has revealed a stark difference between male and female students**.
The response elicited from a female when asked on the progress of her dissertation is invariably along the lines of "It's a complete disaster, I'm freaking out, I don't know how I qualified for this course, I'll never get it done, I could even fail." Often, but not always tears, shine through. Now ask a male student the same question and the response is usually "Oh it's going really well thanks, I think I've done some great research, this course is so lucky to have me on board, they may even ask me to teach soon." That is slightly exaggerated, but the message isn't.
When talking about this distinction a friend recalled a recent experience with a personal trainer. He explained how new clients differ. In his experience, fit and healthy women inevitably say they need to work on everything, improve toning, strength and fitness as well as lose weight. By contrast he gets many slightly overweight male clients in less than optimal condition saying 'to be honest, this house is pretty well in order, not sure we can improve too much. Just a few tweaks'.
The very next morning after this conversation – with men and women - an article in the paper caught my eye. A survey showed that while women consider themselves 'old' at 29, males don't believe they're old until they hit 58.
This was the final piece in my puzzle, confirmation that either Adam or Eve is suffering mild but frequent breaks with reality. My guess is Eve. And I'm not just saying that to win over my American reader.
*I'm deeming him wise purely on the basis that he read my blog.
**Naturally I do not know all the students at this university so I cannot make these observations with
7 comments:
I concur! I think my husband and I are from different planets sometimes!
I am loving your blog - you are a fantastic writer and always have been! I am glad that a wider audience is now able to read your wondrful tales!
Brilliant. Your latest post made for a very fine way to start my day. I have a hunch your American reader will be all praise.
Brilliant & hilarious.
I've never really followed blogs before, but with this one I'm looking forward to each new post.
Dear 'Not another bloggin mother' -Keep up the good work. An absolute pleasure to read - love your humourous insights.
Well done on getting the blog up and running and tackling your fear!
Caroline
Thanks for your blog Georgie. Great job! This particular subject resonates with me - having done 50-something years of amateur research on these male/female issues. A few comments. 1) Apropos of your response to your husband's comment that "you didn't write it about men, you wrote it about women", it still never ceases to amaze me how often men assume that everything actually is about them. (Sadly, because of social conditioning globally, it usually is!) 2) All sorts of data, from the academic through to the anecdotal, proves that the difference in male and female communication/sharing/opening up begins at a very young age. Take the local playground for example. Two boys who have never met before would likely, half an hour later, be kicking a ball around but none the wiser as to any personal information about each other, not even name. Two girls who have never met before, in that same playground, would, half an hour later, probably know each other's names, birthdays, dolls names, favourite TV shows, best day ever and greatest fears. I think men's inability to share emotionally with each other is one of their most profound losses and disadvantages; women's communication skills are one of their greatest strengths and most reliable survival techniques. 3) You mention the willingness of males to "talk themselves up" and the females eagerness to "talk herself down." Again, I think this is a result of eons of social conditioning. A man is expected to and admired for proclaiming his strengths - he is considered confident, can-do, positive etc. A woman making the same claims is considered bragging, "up herself", a cocky little "b" etc. She works out pretty quickly, then, that it is in her best interests to keep a lid on her achievements and abilities. As she gets older, this pressure gets worse, especially when she starts to reach "marriageable age" - God forbid a woman should look or sound more capable than a man! She would risk being seen as a threat to his ego and therefore of "frightening him off." Sounds like something out of a Jane Austen novel but still happens all over the world! Thanks for listening Georgie. I enjoy the blog as a chance to engage and debate and share. As women do so well!
Hello commenters! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my ramblings. Getting comments excites me enormously...especially when they're so kind. Susan - you raise so many valid points that explain the little differences I noticed between men and women. I find it fascinating. You've obviously learned a lot in your 50 plus years. Thanks again for reading. Georgie
Georgie, again just wonderful!
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